Many high performing leaders care about making a positive impact in the workplace. They have high standards, perform at an elevated level and are willing to go above and beyond to achieve excellency.
Whilst this desire to outperform and to make an impressionable impact can lead to extraordinary outcomes, it can also result in overwhelm, exhaustion and burnout when not managed appropriately. The desire to say ‘yes’ and to be seen as the pleasing one, can take a significant toll on one’s own performance and wellbeing.
As a Mentor to Executives and other high performing individuals, I have seen first-hand the impact of people-pleasing tendencies and how this transpires in the workplace. Effective leaders focus on cultivating personal power, learn to say ‘no,’ and understand the value of refocusing their time and energy on the tasks and commitments that truly matter.
Writing a Not-To-Do List
Many of us are familiar with the concept of a to-do list. The idea of writing a Not-To-Do List with the intention of gaining absolute clarity on what you are no longer available for, can be incredibly powerful.
Take a moment to reflect on your camera roll and calendar for the past 6 months. What were the people / activities / commitments / meetings that resulted in the least amount of productivity or joy? Take a moment to reflect on such instances, and write a list of all the instances where you said yes to something, when you really wanted to say no. Make note of these and write them down in the form of a list.
Upon reviewing the above noted items, identify the following categories:
- Eliminate: Which items can be completely eliminated from your plans and schedule? What were the requests you said yes to, that you are no longer available for? What were the commitments you made, that did not result in high levels of productivity or success? Mark these items on a separate list – this will form the basis of your Not-To-Do List.
Upon reviewing your Not-To-Do List, take an opportunity to create personal policies on the tasks and commitments that you are no longer available for.
As an example, you may recognise that you have been saying yes to coffee meetings, which have been adding little value and taking significant amounts of your time. Or perhaps, you recognise that you’ve been saying yes to taking on another team’s workload, when you really wanted to say no.
Create personal policies, such as “For the remainder of the year, I will not be attending any coffee meetings or meetings without a clear agenda.”
When communicating this response back to others, you can say “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I would normally love to join you, however I’ve recently created a personal policy whereby for the remainder of the year I am not accepting any new coffee meetings due to focusing on project X. I am so flattered that you thought of me, and should it align in the foreseeable future, I will be sure to reach out.”
By creating a policy and having absolute clarity on what you are and are no longer available for, it becomes far easier to say no to meetings and requests which are no longer aligned or contribute to your productivity or success.
- Reduce: What items can be reduced in terms of their frequency? Are there certain meetings that can be reduced in duration from one hour down to 30 minutes? Look for the opportunities to increase efficiencies through reducing the frequency or duration of such meetings or tasks. Take the appropriate actions to put such actions into place, such as having discussions with your team and amending calendar invites.
- Reschedule: Identify the items from your list that are important and need to be completed, however are not as urgent and can be rescheduled to a later date. Mark a date in your calendar for when you will commit to the completion of such tasks, and communicate accordingly with any relevant stakeholders.
- Redefine: What are some tasks or commitments that are still valuable or important, however can be redefined or reinvigorated to be more enjoyable? Is there a new context that can be created to make such tasks feel more aligned? Is there an opportunity to outsource or delegate such tasks to others? Contemplate what tasks and commitments can be redefined to yield greater impact and outcomes.
Saying no can be difficult, particularly for those who self-identify as people pleasers and care about their impact and performance within an organisation. By creating a Not-To-Do List and gaining absolute clarity on what tasks, meetings or commitments you are no longer available for, you can learn to communicate ‘no’ in a graceful and respectful manner.
Effective leaders understand the value of their time and their priorities. By learning to saying no gracefully, not only will you reclaim your time, energy and focus, however it can grant permission for others in your team and organisation to do the same.
Keep up to date with our stories on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
